


Keeping Hope

by HowlingHooves



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Career Ending Injuries, EIGHT YEARS LATER, F/M, Former Alliance, Former Lovers - Freeform, Former Spectre, No real action for a while, Old flames sometimes flare up, Prosthetic Limbs, Scars, slow slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-07 02:07:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13424433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HowlingHooves/pseuds/HowlingHooves
Summary: At age 39, Genevieve Shepard had thought her time among the Spectres was over and done with. But a message comes in, and she accepts the offer to teach the next generation of Spectre candidates. If anything, civilian life has been harder than most things she’s faced, so maybe a minor return to duty could lift her spirits?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is just something I’ve been slowly writing as I get small ideas. There’s no real plot line, please keep that in mind if reading. It’s an AU where Genevieve “Jane” Shepard faced down a nasty adversary and... well, lost. A great deal, including her career as a soldier.
> 
> This is set eight years after her being held prisoner by said bad guy. (His name is Maugrin, he’s a real nasty Turian galactic serial killer slash hitman.) She accepted a position sent out to her by the Council, still going strong they are, and she accepted to hopefully gain back even a small part of who she was.
> 
> Enjoy guys! I’ve got a good deal typed up but I’ll be releasing it fairly slow? Just to give a buffer. This first chapter will consist of more than one little section, though. c;

Rushing inside the entryway and shaking the cold rain from her coat, Genevieve shivered as a chill ran down her spine uncomfortably. Her cheeks were rosy, as was her nose, and she sniffed as quietly as a person with a cold could before her hands were up and fixing her ponytail. She smiled when she spotted the man behind the counter looking at her sternly, but he otherwise rolled his eyes when Genevieve held up a piece of paper, it’s color and size indicating a prescription, before heading to his counter.

“Just dropping this off, Layton. I’m not working, I promise.”

“I heard you quit to go galavanting across the galaxy.” Layton responded dryly, but his displeasure was obvious as he snatched the paper from her and began to fill the prescription.

“I told you already, Layton, I’m a soldier. I may know pharmaceuticals but that doesn’t change anything, alright? I was called back to duty, I can’t just say no.” A little white lie, but Shepard would rather her friend think it was mandatory than her just accepting as soon as she had read the missive received.

He slammed the bottle of pills down on the counter harshly, clearly frustrated and angry with her answer. “Layton, stop it. I was a soldier long before I met you, I didn’t give that part of my life up intentionally.”

“You never explained why you even left, and now you’re going back?”

Genevieve sighed as she rubbed at her red nose, sniffing as her hazel eyes stared at the counter. “Layton, I… it’s hard to explain what happened, okay? It wasn’t something I wanted but something I needed. Distance to think straight again. I talked about Kar’Shan, and you’re probably the only person who knows I used to be a Spectre on this planet, okay? I can’t go into detail about that part of my life.”

“That’s not what I have a problem with, Gen, and you know it. You’re going back to the Alliance? To let them use you again?”

She grew just a bit angry herself, shoulders setting firmly as she stared the man down. “No. I’m not going back to be used again. I’m not going back to the Alliance at all, actually. Active duty isn’t likely going to be on the list of things to see ever again. Not after Sar-“ she clapped her mouth shut, eyes closing as unbidden tears sprang forward. “I’m going to be teaching combat biotics and infiltration, Layton. I’m not going to be on the front lines anywhere, and I’m not going back out into the field for the Council. I couldn’t if I wanted to.”

Layton sighed sadly as his eyes flickered to her hips, the counter hiding them from view but he knew her secrets. He knew about the last mission she had undertaken as a Spectre, how it had ruined her career in the field. She had never told him who was involved, how it had happened, but he knew she was troubled by the events in the very least even after eight years.

Layton looked up at her when she reached over the counter and grabbed his arm, squeezing gently. “I want this, Layton. If you can’t respect my reasons, at least respect that it’s something I know I want.”

He swallowed before nodding, finishing up her prescription and handing it to her. “Just.. vidcall sometime, message me. And you’ve always got my couch if you need it, alright?” She smiled softly as she nodded. Layton shook his head as she left, headed back out into the heavy and cold rain.

* * *

Genevieve had been excited about her return to duty, even if it was so far from actual battle; she had missed being able to use her biotics freely, missed the weight of a rifle in her hands, the smell of gun oil and eezo and the creaking of armor when it settled. Genevieve Shepard missed being a soldier, eight years being both long and short for her. Civilian life was something she simply had not been able to adjust well with.

But now! She could at least return to doing a fair amount, training those who applied for N7 and Spectre evaluation. She was more than qualified, and the Council had been so happy to hear that she was happy to teach. Their joint task force between the Alliance, Asari, STG, the Turian Hierarchy and a handful of retired Spectres was something she found exciting. Even the Krogan were applying! Though their government was still in its infancy, Urdnot Wrex was making a good name for his people and he was keeping the peace better than many had ever expected.

She had been on the nameless station for two days already, had paid a visit to the Council before being transported onward and left without any lingering bitterness or upset. Tevos had been welcoming, and even Sparatus had been happy to see her; it was surprising, but when she had hugged the older Turian after meeting them in a private room Genevieve had realized that eight years had softened everyone’s hearts. She hadn’t realized how much she had missed even hearing from the Councilors, despite Gavorn being stiff and to the point as he usually was. Sparatus had wished her luck, had even given her what he hadn’t been able to years before; a token from her time under Saren, something the Spectre had told Sparatus he wished it would find its way to her should she ever return.

Hand reaching up to the stone she had hanging around her neck, alongside her dog tags, Genevieve smiled as her fingers rubbed at the smooth, polished minerals. It was from a Turian colony, that much she knew, and Sparatus had been reverent in giving it her.

_“A stone from his home colony. He asked that I hand it to you personally should we ever meet face to face. You meant a great deal to him at one point, if he wished to give this to you; it was something I rarely saw away from his person.”_

Tucking it reverently beneath her loose shirt, she pulled on her gloves, hiding the scarring on her palms and up her wrists. Once sure nothing could be seen by the casual passerby, Genevieve was pulling on her boots before walking out the door. Having already memorized the layout of the station, even as large as it was, her boots carried her toward her designated sector. And once inside of the room, several desks situated from her position forward, she felt a bit of longing rise until she pushed it away.

Grabbing a stack of datapads and setting them atop each desk, she looked up with a smile when the door opened. And she beamed, mouth opening, as she saw a face so familiar and just as excited to see her. “Shepard!”

“Nihlus! They didn’t tell me you’d be here! Are you an instructor?”

“Hah! The Council keeps begging me to come teach some scrawny applicants, but no. Still out in the Traverse, dealing with mercs and slavers. I heard you’d been asked, and agreed, so I couldn’t pass up the chance to stop in and see you. Had to drop someone off, too.”

Genevieve hugged him tightly, not caring that his bulky armor half got in the way, and he hummed happily as he returned the gesture. “It’s been too long, Shepard. I’m so glad you agreed to this position. Saren didn’t think you would.”

She clenched her jaw at the mention of Saren, chuckling as she pulled away. “I couldn’t say no. Civilian life didn’t really suit me, and this is as close as I could get to… well, everything we used to do. It’ll be better than being some pharmacist at least.”

“Finally put that degree to some use?”

“Not really, no. I just helped out a few times a week.” Grimacing, she sneezed loudly before rubbing her nose. “Sorry. Caught something before I managed to ship out.”

“I can see that. I’m so glad Turians don’t have noses like you humans do.” Nihlus commented with a laugh, Genevieve rolling her eyes before both turned their attention to a few people moving into the room.

“It was good to see you, Nihlus. If you’re still here after we finish up today, I’m in room 163, Sector D. Stop by if you’ve got time.”

“Will do, I’m not leaving until tomorrow evening. See you around, Shepard!” He waved before leaving, Genevieve feeling her heart clench before she moved to the front of the room and her own desk.

It wasn’t much longer before her room was filled with applicants, most undergoing Spectre evaluation, and two humans looking to finish up their N training. Four hours later, exhausted and feeling a little more than sick with her cold pounding in her head, Genevieve called it a day and they all began filing out. She was happy they seemed as excited as she felt, watching them go with a bit of nostalgia.

Grabbing a few datapads, she stood from her seat, leaning against the desk when she felt a bit woozy. But she shook it off and packed her things in her satchel, checking her omnitool as she left and headed back to her assigned room.

Turning a corner however she ran into someone coming the opposite direction, hastily apologizing as she moved to pick up her dropped bag. She sneezed loudly as she made to retrieve it, before she saw a pair of achingly familiar eyes boring into her.

“Saren?” She blinked rapidly as he stared at her, mandibles slack in disbelief before his eyes flashed to her bag and he bent down to grab it for her.

“Are you alright?” He asked her, Genevieve nodding as she took her bag from his hand quickly.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“I was asked to take a position here by the Council months ago. It seemed better than what I had been doing at the time.”

“Oh. That’s… good. I’ll see you around then, maybe.” Genevieve replied hesitantly, making to move around her him he caught her elbow gently.

“It’s good to see you, Shepard. Nihlus told me that you had agreed to take a position just a few minutes ago, I hadn’t believed you would.”

She smiled as she turned to look at him. “Like I told him, civilian life didn’t really work out. I need to go, I’ve got some things to go over and I’m tired. It’s good to see you too, Saren.”

His eyes flashed to her legs briefly before he nodded. “I’m in sector F, room 79 if…” Saren trailed off, mandibles twitching slightly as he looked away.

“Sector D, room 163. I’ll see you around, Saren.”

He nodded again before she left, fighting the urge to look over her shoulder at him. And after managing to get back into her small apartment, she slunk down into the nearest chair and stared at the ceiling.

Saren was an instructor? Why would he have ever left the front lines? She hadn’t even heard if he’d retired, willingly or forcibly. Clenching her eyes shut, her head pounding relentlessly, she was downing a few pills and a glass of water before falling into her bed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What better way to promote ones strengths than by knowing ones weaknesses? Shepard isn’t much of a hacker, not on Saren’s level at least, but she still hopes to help her genius of a student out as she’s able.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one this week. I may add up another tomorrow at some point, if I’m able to. Otherwise it will be held off until Wednesday, at the earliest. c;
> 
> Thanks for reading guys! I hope the slowness to this doesn’t throw everyone off, lol. <3

“Emmerson, make sure you practice with your hacking skills, alright? You’re doing fine, but you won’t make N7 unless you can work faster. If you need help, talk with Yuton. That Krogan is a genius hacker.”

  
“Will do, thanks, Commander.” Genevieve smiled as the man left, leaving her alone in her classroom finally. She sighed as she let her head fall into one hand, fingers rubbing at her forehead, headache fiercer today after going over line after line of code with her students. Four days in already, and she wished whatever she had caught would just be done with.

  
She glanced up when the door slid open again, spotting Saren approaching. “Hey, Saren. What can I do for you?”

  
“Nihlus told me you were ill before he left. He wanted me to check in on you.”

  
“Uh huh. Sure. I’m fine, just a cold. See?” She pulsed her biotics, no more of a struggle than they usually were for her. “Anything else you needed?”

  
His mandibles flicked, whether in irritation or thoughtful she didn’t care to decipher with her splitting headache. “Have you eaten?”

  
That caught her off guard, and she stared openly at him for a few moments. “Not since this morning, but I’ve got some things back in my quarters. Why?”

  
“You look pale.”

  
“Oh. Yeah. Well, thanks, I guess, for looking out.”

  
He hummed before she stood, grabbed her bag and followed him out into the hallway. “Goodnight, Saren. Oh wait! I’ve got a Krogan, master hacker but my skills aren’t suited for him to learn much. You mind if I send his profile over, see if you know some things to give to him?”

  
“Of course. I’ll look his profile over and forward what material may benefit him that I have.”

  
“Thanks, Saren.” She smiled and waved before heading for her quarters, only wanting to fall into her bed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream a little dream...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter, to make up for the Uber short one before. I’ve edited this a few times, but I’m still not completely content with it...
> 
> Regardless, thanks for reading! <3

Saren had forwarded quite a bit of material to her, and she had been grateful. Yuton didn’t struggle with the information, but it did challenge him. Enough so that Genevieve asked Saren if he’d mind possibly meeting the tech genius and running him through a few loops himself.

_-S. Arterius prc6749-88s2  
Wanted to thank you for all that material you sent over. Yuton’s enjoying it well enough. You mind stopping by whenever you have a moment and talking with him? He really could use a mentor whose skills with tech are on your level. The spirits know I’ll never be as proficient as either of you._

_-G. Shepard prc2291-52v9  
I should have time later this week. Let me know if he manages to hack through the fifth marker without bypassing the trigger I implemented._

_-S. Arterius prc6749-88s2  
Already did. He’s working on… hell, I don’t even know what he’s working on. I think he’s encoding his own firewalls and setting up triple encrypted triggers? I asked him to help out with a few of my other students, hopefully get them ready for their field exams._

_-G. Shepard prc2291-52v9  
I’ll stop in shortly._

Genevieve blinked at the message, looking back at the previous one stating he would make time later in the week. That was odd. He was clearing time to check into this one student? She had expected him to come by later in the week before messaging him, but he had changed his mind by all assumptions of his message.

Her attention was pulled away by the only Asari with her group, the huntress struggling to grasp a few biotic abilities Genevieve felt offensive biotics should learn and try to master. Rising from her seat, Genevieve joined the Asari on the more open side of the room, going through with her student what she needed to apply to her current abilities. But after a few minutes of increasing frustration, Genevieve halted her.

“Alright, take a breather Malania. Here, I’ll show you what you should be trying to do.” Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Genevieve concentrated on her biotics carefully before she held one gloved hand palm up. In the center a sphere swirled steadily, the dark matter spinning with increasing speed.

“When you manage to focus it into your palm, slowly let it spread to your wrist, then further. It’ll take some time, especially since you aren’t a barrier user, but if you can get even the basics of this down you’ll have an edge in combat. You won’t bounce other biotics off, you’ll absorb them into yours and use it to bolster what you’ve got shielding you.”

“Really?” Malania asked, clearly excited as her eyes remained glued to the biotics spinning in Genevieve’s palm. “Can I see that?”

“If you wish to have a hole blown into the bulkheads, by all means continue, Shepard.” Saren spoke up behind them, startling her into losing her concentration. The biotics in her palm wavered before fizzling out completely.

“Spectre Arterius is right, at least in my case. Him, however..” Genevieve trailed off as she glanced over her shoulder, biotics glowing faintly, weakly, around her before he nodded. His electric blue encased him quickly, the sheen much stronger than Genevieve’s, before she hurled a Warp at him. And, as she had said, his biotics absorbed the warp instead of sending it bouncing back.

But he dropped the barrier when Shealed reached out to Malania, feeling light headed, hands shaking. “Commander!”

“I’m alright, Malania.” She smiled reassuringly when she managed to right herself, Saren coming up behind her, pulling to a chair to her and helping her into it. “You’ve all heard the story behind my field change already. There’s nothing to worry about.” She told her students, who returned to their practices but still didn’t seem convinced.

“Are you sure you’re alright, Shepard?” Saren asked quietly, head tilted slightly to the left, eyes searching for answers she wasn’t going to give.

“I’ll be fine. Keep it to yourself, but I’m a little out of practice. Civilian life generally prohibits the use of biotics.” A flash of disbelief shone in his eyes as she patted his shoulder, soon back on her feet.

“Yuton, this is Spectre Arterius. He was the one who forwarded what I gave you. Mind going over what you’ve been doing with him? He’s a better hacker than I’ll ever be, I promise.”

The Krogan in question looked up, his green eyes bright but hesitant as he faced down Saren. “Spectre. I’ve heard tales of your work, it will be an honor to learn from you.” He rumbled lowly, Saren nodding before they dove into his work.  
Genevieve left them to it, returning to her desk. She went over messages, pointed out a few flaws that some of her students had before she felt lightheaded again. Frowning, rubbing at her forehead, Shepard closed her eyes for what felt like only a moment as her class filed out for the day.

She was roused by Saren however, startled more like it, as she jumped in her seat, hand reaching for a gun that wasn’t on her desk. “Oh, Saren! Sorry. What time is it?”

“2035. Your VI said you hadn’t returned to your quarters.”

“I guess I fell asleep when everyone left.” She told him, yawning widely before she rubbed at her eyes.

“Have you seen a doctor about whatever you have, Shepard?”

“I did before I shipped out, put me on some medication. Why?”

He shook his head as she rose and gathered her things. Saren went with her to her quarters, both discussing Yuton’s skill and potential. After reaching her quarters, Genevieve invited him inside without much thought as she headed through her door, yawning again.

“You’re sure you’re alright, Shepard?”

“It’s nothing to worry about, Saren. The headache really takes it out of me when it hits, and using my biotics was draining. I’ll be fine, but thank you.”

He didn’t sound convinced when she brought him a bottle of water, eyes sharp as he looked her over. Turning back around, stripping her gloves off and setting them on her table, Genevieve turned back around as she kicked off her boots.

“May I see them?”

She looked up where she was half bent over, still unlacing one boot as she looked to him. “See what?”

“Your hands.”

That left her visibly flinching, hands gripping her laces tighter as she froze. After managing to get the boot off, she straightened and looked at her palms, index finger of her right hand mostly straight even with the rest curled inward loosely; her left was worse off, with her index, ring and pinky straighter with the thick scarring while her middle and thumb could curl loosely toward her palm. “I’ve got about eighty-five percent movement back, but I won’t get any more.” She told him softly. She was hesitant when she held out her right hand, her better hand, to Saren, biting the inside of her lower lip.

He was slow when he approached, and gentle when he took her hand in his. His thumb moved along her index finger, careful as he traced the hypertrophic scarring. When he added a bit of pressure she reacted by pulling back, Saren looking up quickly before she gave him a shaky smile. “I don’t.. I wear the gloves, to hide them. They don’t hurt anymore, not really.” She told him quickly, lifting her hand and making a fist, relaxing it and making another.

“See, mostly full movement. I just can’t relax some of my fingers anymore.”

He sighed as he took her left hand, but this one she did hesitate to let him see. It was the worse of the two, and while her right didn’t ache her left one most certainly did on a good day. Genevieve didn’t tell Saren that, but she knew her hesitation told him enough. But he was patient with her, and she was surprised with how careful he was as he examined her hand, using the pad of his thumb to ease some of the ache in her palm.

“I’m sorry for what happened. I was unable to stay, it was..”

“I know, Saren. I wasn’t mad, if that helps. Hurt because Nihlus said you had left, but I understood. Really.” She looked to the floor, mind going back to the mission that had ended with her discharge and the scars she had to always remember it by. She could feel his eyes on her, and she closed hers when she felt his other hand move to her hip.

“Nihlus told me that.. he said they had to replace most of your lower extremities.”

She nodded, breathing through her nose to calm herself. “I couldn’t bring myself to read your file. Even still, I doubt I could read it.”

“You don’t need to read it.” She told him softly, hands beginning to tremble before she pulled back and grabbed the zipper at the front of her vest. When she removed it, showing Saren the damage done to her upper body, she could hear the buzzing his sub vocals echoed throughout her quarters.

Across her lower belly were more scars, talons having been drug through her skin. Deep enough to leave so much out of her reach, things she had told him she might one day want no longer possible even with the marvels that the field of medicine could provide. Time was still such a large factor in repairing damage done.

Shepard flinched when Saren’s hand flattened against her belly, reflexively sucking her gut in and away. Her chin trembled before she clenched her jaw tighter, head held high but eyes closed and brow knit. There was so much that these scars left bare, and so many questions that Genevieve knew would follow that she hadn’t bothered to show anyone. The scarring was ugly, still red after nearly eight years carrying them healed and without pain. Though Genevieve wasn’t usually a vain person, the degree of scarring on her hands, belly and hips was not something she had ever been able to come to terms with. Unable to accept they would always be part of her without remembering what had happened.

It wasn’t crippling now, but it still hurt to think about.

“I found Maugrin, four years ago. I killed him for you.”

“Nihlus told me. Thank you.”

“These do not make you any less of the woman you were before, Shepard. They don’t mean you’re less of a soldier or a person.”

Genevieve opened her eyes when she felt a hand on her shoulder, taking in the black steel of her desk, the lighting of her classroom. She closed her eyes as the dream played in her mind, but she pushed it away as she sat up when the hand shook her gently again.

“Your VI said you hadn’t returned to your quarters, Commander. Are you alright?” The voice made her throat tighten, so similar but not the same man she had connected with years before.

“I fell asleep after my class left, sorry, Trenilus. What did I miss?” The Turian, dark grey plates and darker hide beneath with eyes a soft yellow, stared at her worriedly for a moment before filling her in on the meeting she had slept through. Genevieve put everything he had onto a datapad as he spoke, but before he left she stared after him.

“Spectre Arterius seemed worried in the meeting when you didn’t show up, Commander. You might want to let him know you’re alright.”

“Um.. thank you, Trenilus. I’ll send him a message when I get a chance.” Trenilus nodded before leaving, and Genevieve followed shortly after.

The dream wouldn’t leave her alone as she walked back to her quarters, and she forgot entirely to go over the datapad when she slumped onto the edge of her bed, head in her hands. This was not what she wanted to be doing, pining after someone who hadn’t spoken or made contact with her in eight years.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genevieve learns a few things that leave her heart heavy.

Two months after being on the station and working with her students, teaching them what she was able to as well as getting herself more in shape than she had been for some time, Genevieve was seated on her couch and going over a few reports about her students field tests. She wasn’t able to be in the field with them, and though she wasn’t bitter about having handed them off she was just a little disappointed. Having worked with them, even in a short period of time, had given her back at least part of what she had missed.

Without them, the estimated three weeks almost halfway through, she was growing restless. Checking up on them was something she did twice daily, in the morning and at night, but she was otherwise free to do whatever she was able on the station. Which wasn’t much, considering.

The first day she had caught up on paperwork she had been falling behind with, the second she had attended a staff meeting that was certainly quite empty of staff; only four of the thirteen instructors had remained on the station. An Asari, Felisara, who had sustained severe injury some hundred years before, an ex-STG agent who went by his old alias Guissholt, herself and Saren. She wondered why he stayed behind, considering his students were sent on a mock high risk mission, but she hadn’t taken the time to ask him.

It was already well into the second week and Genevieve was entirely unsure what to do with herself. Lips twisting to the side, she wondered if she could get away with using one of the gyms without anyone disturbing her; surely no one would stumble upon her in the quieter sectors. At least she hoped.

So with that in mind, she put together a quick duffle of an extra set of clothes, a towel and some essentials, as well as grabbing a few ration bars from her kitchenette. After pulling workout gear from before her forced retirement, the sports bra a bit snug along side the sides and her shorts just a little baggier in the thighs but taut at the waist, Genevieve was on her way to the quiet of Sector H. Having visited before, to find one of her students, she had noticed the gym but never found the time or energy to go through a few motions.

When she did step through the door she was surprised, and a little disappointed, to find someone already in the small gym. “Sorry, I didn’t think anyone would be here.” She spoke up as the occupant, a Turian in a mesh pair of exercise pants, turned to look at her.

Finding she hadn’t recognized Saren from behind, she blinked quickly as his mandibles flicked dismissively. “It seems we both prefer a quieter area to work out a few stressors still. There’s plenty of room for two biotics, Shepard. Neither of us will step over the other.” He turned back to what he was doing but Genevieve was still hesitant, glancing down at her legs, covered by the pants she had donned before leaving her quarters, as well as the shirt over her torso.

“It’s alright, I can come back some other time.”

“If you’re worried about having fallen behind with your biotic skills, there’s no need to be ashamed. You were still quite impressive when you were teaching your students how to expand their abilities into differing fields.”

She smiled faintly but took a half step back, looking away as she frowned again. “It’s not that, but thank you.”

“Is it your prosthetics?” He asked quietly, Genevieve looking over to see him still at work with whatever was in front of him.

She knew she couldn’t lie to him, so she lifted her head high when he glanced over his shoulder at her. Saren had prosthetics himself, his left arm and a good deal of his chest being cybernetic like Genevieve’s legs and pelvis were. But he had lost his arm years before they had met, had more time to adjust and likely had more support than Genevieve had in terms of being a little more accepting of them. Especially since the injuries had pulled her career right out from under her.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Shepard. Not wanting them, or accepting them. You’re in safe company, you shouldn’t worry what I may think of your skills now. You survived an experience most would not have, and you’re here and able.” He told her, shrugging.

“They’re… they still feel different.”

He nodded from where he stood, turning around fully as he held his cybernetic arm, wrist up, for her to see. “They always will.” Her brow knit as she dipped her chin, seeing he had been calibrating the prosthetic now.

But instead of leaving, she walked over and dropped her bag next to his, pulling off her shirt and pants with a shaky breath. Her eyes were closed as she called up what courage she could, knowing she didn’t need to feel self conscious but unable to stem the feeling.

“I don’t remember you calibrating your arm when I was studying under you.” She commented quietly as she stripped her outer clothing.

“It wasn’t needed as often, it was a relatively new model. I’m under the impression you hadn’t heard that I retired from field work a few years ago, and with that I did not need to replace or repair parts as often as while I was working in the Traverse. Usually the parts were minor, and quickly replaced. Now, I guess you could call it pride that I haven’t had a replacement take its place.”

“I.. hadn’t heard you’d retired, no. That’s actually surprising.”

“You would have thought I’d rather continue until my death?”

She shrugged her shoulders, folding her clothes and sitting them atop her bag. “Sounds more like you, honestly.”

“Nihlus was surprised as well. I think the only one who wasn’t was that Salarian friend of yours.”

“Esoln?”

“Yes. I asked for his services quite a few times after you introduced him. He was a rather remarkable saboteur.”

She smiled at that, remembering the STG agent; she briefly entertained the idea that he was probably working for STG still, but she remembered having received a message informing her of his death, quiet and in his home like he had always said he wanted. “He was. Esoln passed away a little while ago, his brother sent me a message.”

“My condolences. I hadn’t heard.”

She smiled again before turning away, purposely ignoring Saren as she strode to the other side of the gym and began stretching as best and as carefully as she was able to. It wasn’t long before Genevieve was moving through her routine of Tai-Chi. They were gentle enough for her aches and pains, and she had enjoyed the routine upon learning after her initial recovery while on Earth.

“Your form is off.”

“Do you even know what I’m doing?” She asked, moving through her forms without pausing. Genevieve did in fact know her form was off, but the modified Sun style she was moving through allowed her to complete her sets without harming herself; as light and more easily flowed through as the style was, her legs simply could not work through its entirety had she not modified her own form.

“A stylized martial arts from Earth. I’ve studied it briefly, but your stance is not high enough for your style.”

“I’m aware. It doesn’t need correcting, however. But thank you.”

He didn’t say anything else, so Genevieve continued until she finished her set. And then she repeated it, though she cloaked herself in her biotics to add a bit more stress. Eyes closed, her mind and senses focused on her movements, she was surprised when she moved her left leg a little too far and pain shot up through her hips and back.

Hissing as she braced herself after falling over, she breathed harshly through her teeth as she tried to rein in the sharp, angry cramping running along her lower extremities. Letting herself fall onto her right side, her left hand groped blindly for the nerve receptors on the left, just above her knee. “Dammit..” she choked out when she couldn’t manage to bring up the interface.

“Code?”

She heard Saren, felt his hand grip her leg loosely. “69325!” She managed to get out, and slowly she felt the pain numbing until she couldn’t even feel the floor beneath her legs.

Breathing as she slumped against the floor, one hand on her forehead and half covering her eyes, Genevieve turned over to find Saren tinkering with the controls to her prosthetics. She dropped her head back to the floor as she let him work, trusting him to at least know what he was doing.

“What are you doing, Saren?”

“Re-calibrating your nerve sensors. Did you have anyone calibrate them to begin with?”

“No. I don’t remember anything about being told they needed to be calibrated since I was discharged. No field work, no reason to calibrate.”

“Did your physical therapist say that?” He asked, sounding bitter and unimpressed. It was rhetorical though, and she sighed tiredly while Saren worked.

When he was done he helped her into a sitting position and went over with her how to do it herself, should she want or need to. “You shouldn’t have as many troubles with your hips, either, regardless of the scarring and nerve damage. How long has it been since you moved faster than walking?”

“I haven’t been able to run in… in eight years.”

“We’ll work on it.”

Her eyes, having been trained on the interface while Saren instructed her on how to apply her calibrations, shot up to him. She felt the stinging of tears as her chin trembled, brow furrowing as she admonished herself for any hope he may give. Doctor after doctor had all told her she would never be able to even jog, let alone run.

“What did you say?”

He hadn’t been paying attention himself, and when he lifted his gaze and held her own, his facial plates softened as he let his mandibles widen in a small, rare smile. “I said we can work on it. Whoever installed your cybernetics could have easily given you that much, I paid for the best when the Council refused. Sparatus informed me that you had been discharged by the Alliance, and that since they had insisted upon your treatment and recovery they had no say in who your doctors were.”

“The Alliance..refused the Councils assistance after?”

His face fell, not realizing she hadn’t been aware of why she hadn’t been reinstated or been given care a Spectre would have. “You didn’t know?”

She stood up shakily, legs wobbling as she paced away, tears now of anger and bitter disappointment as she paced jerkily a few steps. “No I didn’t know! The doctors I went to all had the best credentials, I checked and double checked and I- They wanted me out, didn’t they?”

“Yes. Because of your training beneath me, I had always assumed. Sparatus informed me that the Alliance had been more than unhappy when I was assigned as your mentor, even more so when they would field missions to you but the Council or myself intercepted them while you were training. It was a political maneuver, one the Councilors, Udina included, fought harshly over. Sparatus informed me there had been a clause upon your joining the military, one that you knowingly signed before being sent to begin your initial training. The Council had no foothold with that clause on the table after Nihlus and I pulled you off of Xawin. There was nothing we could do.”

Genevieve deflated as she recalled the paperwork, remembering how gung-ho her recruiter was that she sign it. And being young and just wanting to start her life, she had glanced over the parts he had pointed out before agreeing with her initials and signature at the bottom. “I’ve spent eight years trying to become a civilian, and all because I sighed a piece of paper that let my superiors dictate whether I could still be the soldier they trained.”

“I’m sorry, Shepard. All I could do was be sure you were given the best, so hopefully you would return to field work.”

“I… I need to go.” She told him, sniffling as she wiped at her face briefly, moving to the bench and pulling her clothes back on. “Thank you, Saren. I’ll see you next week.” She told him before she left, fully intending to drink herself into oblivion for the next few days before she had to be present at their weekly staff meeting.

He said nothing when she slipped out the door, and she walked just a bit stiffly back to her quarters before locking herself in. Genevieve made it to her bed before she curled into herself and the dam broke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes at the end this time;;
> 
> I wanted to explain my reasoning for having a code with the interface of Genevieve’s prosthetics.
> 
> Since they are obviously more than simple prosthetics like we have in the real world, it got me thinking... with hackers abound in the ME univserse, what would stop someone from hacking into the prosthetics of a rival if they knew about the replacement limbs? And how catastrophic could that be for the amputee if they were in the middle of a fight and suddenly they lost use of their legs, of an arm or hand? What about implants for a sense such as vision?
> 
> So I put this into play; I’m not saying that all kinds of prosthetics would have a code, but the kind that Genevieve has? Or Saren? They would want some preventive measure in place to stop a potential hacker, I would think. Give an extra edge to avoid being taken out because the electronics and cybernetics within the prosthetics just quit working. It’s simple here, because Genevieve isn’t on the front lines so she doesn’t really need much, but it just got me thinking about front line usage of prosthetic limbs for characters such as Shepard and Saren.


End file.
